Lately I have been dealing with many thoughts. Some consuming, some fleeting. I have prayed and then tried to be busy and forget these thoughts, but they just keep coming back. I know I have been given a gift, actually each of us has. And it is our responsibility to use that gift for His glory. But of late, I haven’t been accepting of my gift as I should. My gift is mercy and service. I feel things deeply for others and I put them before myself most of the time to the detriment of myself. I know this is not right, and there is a balance, but often I don’t keep that balance in check and that is when fatigue comes over me. Recently I realized that this is a form of bondage. I keep myself tired and then end up resenting the very gift that God gave me to use for good. He has been molding and shaping me to realize that with each gift He gives, there is a bondage side and a victory side. I have been living in the bondage side of my gift and not the victory side. Let me explain….I can live to serve and care for others and show them His love and then rest and let Him replenish me and keep serving, or I can give and give and give and never allow the replenishing to take place, thus leading to bondage to my own gift. He wants me to rest, He wants me to trust Him and look to Him for my needs instead of trying to meet them myself; ultimately, He wants my obedience.
It has taken me a while to process these thoughts and even now I don’t feel I fully realize the extent of what He is seeking to have me learn. But I do know that all He demands is my obedience and devotion and through that comes all things. He has given me everything I need, EVERYTHING. And I don’t have to feel guilty because I “feel” I’ve disappointed someone. I don’t have to worry that I won’t be liked if I take a certain stand. I don’t have to be held captive by the Enemy’s destructive thoughts that I am not adequate or that I am not doing enough. I can rest in the fact that I am a child of the King and He is pleased with me because my heart desires to love and honor Him. There is a time for everything and sometimes that time is to rest and wait. Oh, there is that word! Wait. Never has one word, so small, caused so much turmoil in my life. I don’t wait well, in fact, I hate to wait. But the last few years have held a lot of waiting times. And I am realizing that these times are precious and oftentimes worth so much more than all the “doing” times. In my devotion today, in My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers, I read something that seemed to jump off the page at me. It said, “He works where He sends us to wait. ‘Tarry ye…until…’ Wait on God and He will work, but don’t wait in spiritual sulks because you cannot see an inch in front of you! Are we detached enough from our own spiritual hysterics to wait on God? To wait is not to sit with folded hands, but to learn to do what we are told. These are phases of His ways we rarely recognize.”
Wow! Really, Lord? Have I been spiritually sulking? Yes. Have I given in to spiritual hysterics? Guilty again. But isn’t it a blessing that His mercies are new every morning and great is His faithfulness. I am blessed that He gives me a new chance each day to obey Him. I do desire to wait patiently and to be busy while I am waiting. Lord, please show me how to wait on You in a way that glorifies You.
I am challenged to live in the victory side of the gift God has given me. And I determine that I will trust Him to work where I don’t see a way and that I will wait where He shows me to wait. His ways are truly the best and I know that I will experience true victory when I release my dreams, hurts, longings, frustrations and desires to Him. He sees the bigger picture and what a privilege to know He cares about me.
I pray today that you too will experience victory in your gift. That you won’t let thoughts that are not true consume you. Rest in Him, wait patiently, and watch Him work. He truly is able and He is enough.